Let someone know..

 When I was a kid, I could never imagine what it would be like to be the age I am today. 52? That's crazy! That's so far away for a kid at 10, or 15, or even 25. But here we are. 

I could never imagine the journey I would take to get here. Somedays I didn't even think I'd get here. And now that I am it does probably look a lot different than I imagined. And definitely from what I hoped. 

I imagined I'd be married and at least have a couple of kids. I really thought I'd make a good dad. I think I am pretty good with kids. And I really wanted the chance to reverse the universal scales of how I was raised. Put a kid out there the right way, so they could achieve their full potential. And maybe be the end of some of the dysfunction that's surrounded my family unit. 

Of course, I was going to marry the perfect girl next door to compliment my 100-mph brain. Someone who understood my thoughts and knew how to counter it the right way. I always figured she'd look like Elizabeth Shue from "Back to the Future II and III". And Karate Kid. And Cocktail. So, you could say I was a fan lol. Someone who understood the hurricane that is me when I am at full speed. I was married once, but it turned out nothing like that. 

So being 52 has not been like I hoped. To top it all off, I've come to figure out that my 100-mph brain may very likely be a result of being on the Autism Spectrum. Not exactly a shocking discovery, and actually a bit of a relief. But knowing earlier might have been useful. 

I am writing all this because like anyone getting older, I am pondering what's next and how am I going to get there. Will this still have the time to turn out like I hoped, or will I just be another old guy living alone in a small apartment with his pets, no family and connections into my golden years? 

These can be really scary thoughts. No one wants to get old and feel alone and unseen. And one thing I have definitely learned as I have gotten older is how much people misunderstand and often discount loneliness. And just how powerful and even insidious it can be. 

One of the leading causes of death for men of my generation right now, is suicide. I would say it's not just suicide, but loneliness as well. And loneliness can come from a lot of different places. And no, just because someone is surrounded by friends and family, does not mean they can't possibly be lonely. As a matter of fact, I know for sure that the worst kind of loneliness can occur when you are in relationships of all kinds. Because if that person really doesn't know who you are, or doesn't seem all that concerned with it, it's the worst loneliness of all.

None of this is meant to be depressing or sad, it is what it is. I guess I felt the need to write this because a guy I know, my age, just died. And it's likely he took his own life. And I can't help but think loneliness played a part in it. And that sucks. And it's also not some kind of plea or subtle way of asking for help myself. I have learned to deal with the loneliness every day. And I have hopes that I can still make the changes in my life to not feel this way so much. 

I guess it's just a plea to pay attention more to the people around you. Just a text or a call, a Facebook post on their wall, or a social media post celebrating someone. Just remember the people around you and try to make sure they know they aren't alone. I can say I have gotten much better at that and sending messages of all kinds to the people in my life, just to let them know I am glad they're in my life. It takes one minute, and I know how much it means to people. And honestly, it's way too easy to try and make sure someone knows they aren't alone. 

This is a tough world. And the coming months might make it even tougher. And we are going to need our friends, loved ones, and communities so much more than ever before. But kind words and thoughts are free. And their currency will never go down or disappear. 

I sometimes worry I lose the point of things when I sit down and write. Maybe that's why I haven't done it in a while. So, I guess what I am asking is that you take a look around and see who needs that smile. Or that hello. Or even that random "I love you". Because the only thing that can really get us through this life is each other. So go let someone know they matter today. 

Thanx, J.